‘In my end…
…is my beginning’. TS Eliot’s poem ‘East Coker’ is perhaps one of the ultimate descriptions of how every end contains within itself the seed of a new start. It’s a poem I’ve returned to a few times in the past months as I’ve made my transition out of full-time paid employment and into a new life phase.
This has been an exciting time for me, but has not been without some trepidations. A major life shift is always going to be daunting and there are many things I have learned from my experience so far.
Transition is about letting go of who you were to enable yourself to become who you want to be. When you make a major change in your life (whether that is forced upon us or chosen) you are giving up many things. In a work context these might include:
connectedness - being a part of something to which you feel connected, whether this is your immediate team, department or an organisation, a sense of community.
purpose - being part of a bigger purpose, undertaking work which you believe has value and meaning.
structure - the day-to-day routine which work provides, including being a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
status - often closely linked to purpose - feeling you have standing and are valued for what you deliver. Potentially a loss of your hierarchy in an organisation.
a steady income!
Added into the mix you might include: guilt, regret, relief, panic, and a question - what next?
Victoria Gibbin just published a piece on how this feels as an academic - noting the loss of the ‘story about who you are’: https://www.timeshighereducation.com/campus/reclaiming-identity-navigating-professional-loss-through-grief-theory. She talks about her personal experience of navigating redundancy through grief theory, which helped her process emotions and loss.
I am originally from a mining community and I can draw parallels with what happened to communities, individuals and families following the closure of the pits from the 1980s onwards. All of the above points of loss apply - miners had status in their communities and beyond, work provided a strong sense of purpose and meaning, skilled, well paid employment for many, and a strong sense of community, both within the pits themselves but also within the villages and towns. With the current hollowing out of higher education I wonder if we are seeing a similar existential moment for university communities, who are usually major employers in their area.
For me, acknowledgement of an ending has been really important. I needed to let myself feel a range of emotions about the end of things which mattered greatly to me. It’s OK to feel something akin to grief, or anger, uncertainty and regret. Observe the feelings, name them and let them sit with you for a while, then let them go. This is all part of the healing process, and something which I had to remind myself of on a few occasions.
I also found it tempting to jump straight into my ‘what next’. I think this is particularly pertinent to me and my upbringing, with a strong work ethic, being quite driven and ambitious and finding it hard to let go of the Calvinist work ethic.
I think there is no harm in taking a little time if you can, to readjust and find your passions. Try things out and consider what really brings you joy. Don’t be afraid to step away from something if it doesn’t feel right.
Letting go of ambition is also a challenge - it has helped me to think about how I reframe this in different terms, seeing this as a different stage of ‘career’ that I am moving into - I am building something different which may not look like a traditional linear career path but still has value. Really good reading here is The Squiggly Career by Helen Tupper and Sarah Ellis, and I can recommend their podcast series which you can find here: https://www.amazingif.com/
Transition brings loss but it also brings growth. Creativity and positivity await in the threshold of a change. Your new self is waiting to be discovered.
